STEP 12 - Adulting Can Crush Your Spirit!
- Ramona H.
- Mar 6, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: May 29, 2024
Think about the responsibilities of “adulting.”
Adulting is the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishments of tiresome but necessary tasks.
As a child, that was our number one goal, to grow up quickly and have freedom of choice, not realizing what that really meant.
We no longer can look for another adult to manage our responsibilities, nor should we get upset when they bring to our attention the lack of consistency or dependability.
Are you still thinking as a child or are you ready to walk in your adultness; look in the mirror to have those conversations about expectations and have unity within your home?
Unity is a gift from the Lord; it brings Him glory and builds His kingdom.
It’s a foundational piece in marriage, and relationships that create oneness and harmony amongst those present.
James 3:16
“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” Where there is jealousy and selfishness, disorder, division, there can never be unity.
If you don’t fully understand the importance of unity within the home, the lack of understanding becomes fuel for a war of words, actions, attitudes, frustration, and anger, just to mention a few.
Those weapons cause casualties within our hearts, spirit and mind.
They are foundational “chippers” that can break it up in little pieces at a time and then things start to fall apart.
I’m speaking to the Children of God, the overseers…you know who you are.
I’m speaking to leaders, those who have a spiritual alertness, being on watch and ready because souls have been entrusted to you by the Lord.
It’s not just a position in the church, its starts in your home first.
How can you help others outside of your home when you can’t manage your own household well?
I think that’s a big problem within marriages, one or both want to do well outside of their home, staying busy, productive and looking well but their home life is in shambles and that’s because they are out of God’s order.
If you are not interested at this time in serving at a church and you are not married, the content is still a place to start building your home in preparation for the future as a single person.
Sometimes we wait until the very last minute to work on something that will enhance our lives which causes our relationships to suffer.
You can learn now and be ready in or out of season…the key is to be ready.
1Timothy 3:1-7
Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.
Too many times we look to blame someone for our shortcomings or lack of preparation; we act as though they created the problem.
No, they didn’t create the problem or issue or situation.
If it is affecting you, it’s lack of acknowledgment and not wanting to do the work and that opens doors to confusion.
We are told, we parish for lack of knowledge and God is not the author of confusion.
Jonah 4:10-11
10 But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?”
The whole book of Johan is a great read; he wanted to die because things weren’t going his way and until he took responsibility for his actions of being out of order with the Lord, things couldn’t get better.
God gave Jonah a task and he took the long road and dealt with consequences of his choices. Jonah couldn’t understand what was so important to the task the Lord gave him until the plant that provided shade for Jonah was taken away, it died and even in that scenario, Jonah could have maintained the plant given yet he wanted to blame God instead.
Does any of that sound familiar?
Now back to our home of peace. We give our peace away so quickly and embrace the negative realms of this world. We don’t stop and think about the “whys.”
We look to blame others as if they created chores, such as cleaning the kitchen or bathroom or the task to maintain the lawn.
We put more energy in fueling the enemies’ kingdom versus God’s kingdom.
When we communicate needs and understand how your lane crosses over into another lane, then we can work on keeping peace, joy, love and unity in the home.
Just like a job that gives a monthly income and if your performance isn’t met, the next steps are written notices, then verbal, then “audios amigos”, go find another job.
Why are we struggling with a consistency of home life responsibilities?
Why do we allow arguments pertaining to the upkeep of the home, yard, animals, cooking, shopping and even managing our children?
The atmosphere of the home will transform wherever God’s presence resides.
What are the warning signs that you are not walking in the adultness but rather childish ways?
I’ll watch the children for YOU!
I’ll clean the kitchen for YOU!
I’ll wash the cloths for YOU!
Get the picture – in a relationship, we are to figure out which chores each other don’t mind doing and assign that to them and then negotiate the ones neither like; maybe shift them every 6 months.
I don’t know, you have to find a dance that keeps you from stepping on the toes of the person closest in order to allow the complete song to play.
Once you’ve decided on who does which chores – remember, if your children are old enough, give them responsibilities too, allow them to be a part of the process, otherwise what you consider “love” by doing everything for them, it will steal certain areas of learning to work together within the family unit and when they are older, they’ll have problems working together with their person.
What are the consequences of not changing?
As you previously read the job consequences are the normal procedures.
Within a home, it depends on each household how they manage things that cause division within the family.
Not realizing it but we each give the other person mental performance reviews. We’ve given written and verbal notices but since a paycheck isn’t tied to them, they get overlooked; no value is really tied to it as if it were the job and that’s sad.
I say this a lot, if we could treat our home and our family better than we do the people at work, these issues would not exist. We treat those we truly don’t love better out of fear for that paycheck but there is no fear in losing your family due to the stress level created.
Our family life would be filled with more peace, love, unity, togetherness, strength and prosperity within our soul, mental stability and heart.
James 4:1-3
What causes fights and quarrels among you?
Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
1Timothy 5:8
8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
What are the benefits?
Creating a strong foundation for love, empathy and compassion.
The ability to grow in our faith, not spending a lot of time dealing with negativities.
Sharing our thoughts, feelings and ideas without the friction and frustrations of not being heard.
Becoming each other’s cheerleaders.
Encouraging each other to come up with new ideas or procedures after safely talking about various ways to manage life.
Honestly, if you really think about it, you are creating leaders within your home, you are teaching your children through your words and actions how to run a business, your home and how to keep staff happy, your family.
If you don’t have children, these skill sets are great on the job. Learning to be consistent, dependable, non-argumentative about things you don’t agree with but rather improve your communication skill sets…the list can be very lengthy, but you get the picture.
Really step back and look at it from that perspective, will your business last?
Now this is what adulting looks like, as a Child of God; not seeking selfish, personal gains but rather working together as a unit.
I’ll watch our children.
I’ll clean our kitchen.
I’ll wash our cloths.
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